Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel (How The Morrigan Claimed Me Part IV)

I found myself scraping the bottom of the barrel this Spring. Soul-wise, energy-wise, inspiration-wise. While Spring is generally associated with new beginnings and growth, I felt the exact opposite. Everything around me seemed to being going wrong, everything felt off. I felt wrong. Despite the outward appearance of all being well, nothing was well, not at all.

The Morrigan is known to be a hard teacher at times. Her lessons, while powerful, can be painful. This Spring, The Morrigan was on me "like a duck on a june bug". I had to pay attention. I felt as though Macha Herself had ridden me down and trampled me. Badb was screaming at me. Anu, I felt, was just frustrated with me.  I had to get quiet. I needed to shut up, sit down and listen to Her.

I took time off from writing and teaching. I stopped attending public events.  I spent more time alone. I talked to The Morrigan. I listened to The Morrigan.  I read a lot. I gardened. I binged-watched some shows.

With The Morrigan's help, I came to realize I had made several errors in my life and I was not going to get any relief until I acknowledged and corrected those errors. If you have ever attended one of my workshops, I always say, "You are in control! You are in the driver's seat! You are master of your destiny!" Blah...blah...blah..was about how I felt about that crap this Spring.  It was time to walk the talk. I had to get honest with myself.

A recurring issue in my life has been personal boundaries. Actually, the lack of proper personal boundaries is the real issue. And it had come back to haunt me once again. Why?! Again and again, this issue was wrecking havoc in my life. Again my reluctance to establish healthy personal boundaries was causing intense suffering in my life.

I needed to take a step outside myself and examine what was really going on with me. I talked to a therapist to get an outside opinion. I asked myself the hard question: "Why was I reluctant to establish proper personal boundaries in my life?"

The answer was in two parts.

First, I was reluctant to establish healthy personal boundaries because I feared rejection. I feared appearing unfriendly, unavailable, of not appearing present. By living in this fear, I was not making good decisions about who I allowed into my personal life. I ignored the little instinctual warning bells tinkling in my ears. I ignored the warning because Fear and Ego took over. And by Spring, I was paying the price.  Fear can be a tricky thing, not obvious, Ego-driven, tough to spot sometimes. But here it was right here in my face, grinning. Fear.

The second reason why I lacked in the boundary department was my "savior complex." I had maintained an unhealthy relationship with a certain individual for years because I felt I could eventually make that person "see the light" and change their fundamental beliefs. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. It was some of my own beliefs that were almost sacrificed as a result. Another blow to Ego. Another circumstance of it blowing up in my face again.

Spring turned to Summer and Summer is now turning to Fall. I am continuing my inner work.  I am continuing to tackle difficult issues in my life. But by doing so, I have gained relief from the suffering I was experiencing. The Morrigan is pleased I am back on track. I have acknowledged I am a work in progress. I always will be. I wouldn't want to be anything less. It is a part of why I write. By owning my stories, my imperfections, I free myself from them.

I have shared in the past of how The Morrigan claimed me. It's the title of this little series I have been writing for this blog. In truth, The Morrigan did not just claim me one time. She has claimed me again and again. If I wander off the path She has set before me, She comes thundering back into my life, claiming me again. It is an ongoing process for me. And I am ever grateful to Her for it. The Morrigan likes to keep Her tools sharp. She sharpens me on a regular basis. I feel blessed She does so.

Yule Wishes From The Dark Goddess

From The Darkest Time of the Year, which on the flip side is the Brightest Time of the Year:

I desire that you all come close to Me and My Care. Let Me hold each of you safe during what your perception tells you is the darkest of times. Let Me tell you ALL IS WELL.

While for what may seem the longest time, I have been cast away denied in THE WORLD....

I have remained. I am HERE WITH YOU ALL.

It is I who kisses you at night and wishes you dreams. It is I who holds faith in YOU ALL.

What some may view as impending DOOM....

Is only a New beginning.....

In the Driver's Seat: Owning My Own S&!T (How The Morrigan Claimed Me Part III)

Once The Morrigan claimed me, She began teaching me. The first and most important lesson She taught was that I needed to own my own shit. It was not an easy lesson. While I had always desired self-empowerment, owning up to my own mistakes and facing the less desirable Shadow Self was something I had always avoided. And since I refused to do so, I could not seem to achieve any sense of self-empowerment or inner peace. It was always easier to lay the blame for my wreck of a life at someone else's feet.

Since I was resistant (at first) to this primary lesson, The Morrigan took away my ability to play the blame game. How? She removed everyone from my life. Friends, the majority of my family, professional contacts, everyone. I was the only one left around me. I could not run from me. So I had no choice at that point but to face myself.

Once I started taking an honest look at myself, I realized it was my own choices, my own actions that had gotten me into mess after disaster after tragedy. I determined the only way I could improve my life circumstances was to make better choices. I had to change.  I struggled for a number of years with forgiving myself. Some days, I still struggle with it.

But in my experience, The Morrigan takes with one hand and gives with the other. She gave me a new sense of power over my own life. A new sense of independence. A feeling of finally loving myself for who I am, the good, the bad and the ugly. While some people never reentered my life, I view that now as a blessing. She was clearing out the trash, so to speak. This allowed room for other, more positive people to enter my life. It allowed a NEW ME to enter my own life.

I got in the driver's seat of my own life. I became self-empowered. I became Divinely Empowered, truly, because I learned to trust Deity. If something goes awry in my life now, I know I made an error and seek it out and correct it. Nothing or no one outside of me can have power over me unless I allow it. I took the bull by the horns (the bull being my life). And if true tragedy does strike (things do happen to us all in life we are not able to control) the first thing I do is go to Deity. I ask Deity for help. For there is no greater help in The Universe. Deity always has my back. Always.

I encourage everyone to get in their driver's seat.

Pedal to the metal.....

Rise!: From Victim to Victor (How The Morrigan Claimed Me Part II)

I used to be a victim. A victim of domestic and other abuse. However, the worst abuse I have ever experienced was that I inflicted upon myself.  I relished being a victim. It bought me attention and the sympathy of others. I felt that  living in a constant state of drama and upheaval was the only way to garner attention. Whether that attention was positive or negative did not matter to me.

All of that changed once The Morrigan claimed me. She taught me I was in control of my own Destiny. She taught me to own myself, my actions and my mistakes. I then transformed from a victim to a victor. And then as a Walker on the Warrior Path, one whose life is lived in Her service, and the service of others.

She gave me the strength to first clean house in my life regarding negative attachments. By negative attachments, I mean to negative people and things. After an external housecleaning, so to speak, She guided me towards inner cleansing. I ceased negative self-talk. I stopped being my own worst enemy and became my own best ally. I learned to live life on my terms, and to stop trying to please others.

None of this happened overnight. Nothing worthwhile usually does. I still consider myself a work in progress. I am an eternal student of Life, of The Divine, of The Universe itself. I give thanks for that every day. That I possess the ability to change, to grow, to evolve. That gift has been granted to everyone, whether they are aware of it or not.

One of the most powerful influences The Morrigan has in my life is as an instrument of Change and Transformation. I once feared changed, feeling the hell I knew was to be preferred and defended over the unknown. The Morrigan has since taught me to revel in Change. She consistently strips away the unneeded and unnecessary from my life. This, inevitably, allows room in my life for the necessary, the needed.

So, I say to YOU, as The Morrigan has said to ME, "RISE!! Embrace Your Destiny! Cease being a Victim and become a Victor! Become a Warrior!!!"

Winter (Living Life by the Seasons)

My woods are down to their bare bones. They stand stark against the mountains, quiet guardians. Snow lies over my fields, sparkling in the Sun. My small stream is frozen over. Time seems to stand still.

Winter is time for rest.  Mother Earth rests, humans and animals rest.

In today's Western Society we are never encouraged to rest. We are told that being busy all the time is a mark of success and productivity. This is contrary to the cycles that Nature practices. During Winter there is no growing season. Instead, roots are strengthened in preparation for the upcoming growing season. If we as humans do not take time to foster our roots we cannot continue to grow. We cannot be of any help to others if we are depleted ourselves.

I live my life according to the seasons out here in the country. Winter is a time of introspection for me. No gardens to tend, no crops in the fields. I take this time to rest and renew myself. This is my chance to do Inner Work. Carl Jung talks a great deal about the Shadow Self and I take the opportunity to work with that aspect of myself during this time.  Beginning in Fall (usually by Samhain, a traditional time to release unneeded and unnecessary aspects from one's life), I take a good look at my life in general. Especially my relationships. Negative ones are terminated to make way for more positive relationships in my life. Habits that no longer benefit me are ceased.

I also look at deeper issues. Old pain, old anger, old fear. I resolve and move past these issues with various rituals and meditations. In some traditions this is referred to as "Root Work", one's inner self or soul being the Root.

By the Winter Solstice (Yule) known as the Pagan New Year I am ready to begin anew and set my intentions and goals for the coming Year. I generally also take this time for personal study. Books are acquired and read. Workshops for the coming year are developed and written, mostly inspired by my own inner reflections which evolve into a desire to share with and encourage others. I also find knowledge, truth and a greater understanding of the Universe through communion with my Deities. They inspire and challenge me, spurring me along my spiritual journey.

I encourage everyone to take this season of Winter to rest and then and plant your own seeds of intention. Here are a few suggestions for "Resting" during these Winter months:

-Shadow Self work. There are many books available to guide you through this process.
-Taking up a new past time you find relaxing and enjoy to chase away any Winter Blues.
-Taking more time to commune with your Deity or Deities.
-Daily meditation, Yoga and Prayer
-Self-Care such as taking a long bath, getting a massage, anything you would typically find you "don't have time" for.

The possibilities are endless. Take time to rest.

Reviving the Appalachian Granny Woman Tradition

A tradition near and dear to my heart is that of the Appalachian Granny Woman. I come from the Appalachian Mountains of Virginia and my family has lived here for generations. While growing up, I was introduced to this tradition by my mother and other female members of my family.

The traditions of the Appalachian Granny Women originated with immigrants from Scotland and Ireland who bought their knowledge and practices over during the 1700's and blended them with local Native Cherokee methods. Sometimes, Granny Women were referred to as "Water Witches" due to their skill with dousing.

Skill with plants and herbs, healing work, spiritism, music and more comprise this tradition.

As a young girl, my mother and I would walk through the woods and she would point out wildflowers, herbs, trees and shrubs. She would tell me their "old-timey" names and their uses, whether medicinal, edible or magical. On subsequent walks, she would "quiz" me about the same plants. This tradition continues between us even today.

One of my cousins was widely known in my area for the ability to "heal with her hands." She allowed me to watch her work once, on my uncle. I was fascinated by the process. But much to my dismay, when I asked her to teach me, she refused, saying "I'm afraid if I show someone how to do it, I will lose the Power." Now, she resides in a nursing home, her mind far afield and her methods and art are lost forever.

When that occurred, I became determined to learn all I could from anyone I could about this tradition. Now, I work actively to pass that knowledge on to others in the hopes that the knowledge will not be lost forever.

How The Morrigan Claimed Me: My Personal Story of How I became a Priestess of The Morrigan

Many and more have asked me to share my story about how and why I came to be a Priestess of The Morrigan. I believe now is the time to share that story.

For most of my young life I had been lost spiritually. I was raised Southern Baptist, but it never fit me. I began exploring other spiritual paths in my early teens, and was drawn to The Craft (witchcraft). I studied several traditions, but none seemed to call to me.

Now that I look back on things, I realize I was looking for self-empowerment. I was a victim of domestic abuse from the time I was a child. I sought out things to escape from that. Mostly drugs. I searched for a “savior” mostly men. It was all for naught. Nothing filled the “hole in my soul.”

I was in the midst of what Joseph Campbell refers to as a Shamanic “Crackup” as an adult. Western Psychiatry refers to this as “psychosis”. I had been committed to a psychiatric facility. I lay on the floor of the ward. I was angry, I was beyond defeated. I was desperate.

 I screamed out to The Universe at large, “Whoever, Whatever is OUT THERE!! Take me, I am tired of this life, I hate this life. I feel lost. No one has come to save me. HELP ME!!”

And She did. I did not know Her name at the time. I only heard Her voice at first.

“Get UP! This is not the end for YOU! I have use for YOU! And YOU will save YOURSELF! GET UP!!”

And so, I got up. Up off the floor of the hospital. Up out of the self-pity. Up out of being a victim. Up out of abusing drugs. Up and away from unhealthy relationships.

At that time, The Morrigan was not as well known, as She is now. I did not know who this Goddess was, I did not know a name.  After hearing Her voice I began seeing an image. A woman, a Goddess, standing and screaming at me over and over. I sought out another Priestess, and was told the image I described sounded like The Morrigan. I began reading, researching, and meditating, praying all on The Morrigan. It was Her, my savior, or rather the One responsible for empowering me to save myself. I became Her Priestess and have been ever since.

That was many, many years ago. She has lead me down a Warrior Path. Together, We seek to bring balance to The Cosmos once again. If I could say anything about my savior, The Morrigan, it is that She has taught me, and continues to teach me every day, to be the best Me I can be.